Finding your place in the world

A slightly existential post to cap the year off. 


As the year draws to a close and we all take one further step towards oblivion, it is timely to reflect on the year that was and think about lessons we have learnt.

Otago University - where I studied and got my B.A has an advertising campaign which uses the slogan: "Find your place in the world."

A little over three years after graduating my B.A at Otago, and two years since my PgDip at Canterbury, I'm still searching for mine.

I haven't yet decided the career I want to pursue or even the city I want to live in.

2011 was a massive news year. Here were some of the big stories:


*A lot of powerful bastards fell of their perches: Gaddafi, Kim Jong-Il, Osama etc.
*There were revolutions all over the show: Libya, Syria, Egypt, Tunisia and other countries in the middle East.
*The war in Iraq drew to a close.
*Big Natural disasters in Japan, Thailand, New Zealand, Australia and elsewhere.
*The GFC grinded on. The world economic outlook continues to be a bit gloomy.
*The downfall of Rupert Murdoch and his disgusting publications' antics.
*All Blacks won the Rugby World Cup.
*John Key is still the Prime Minister of New Zealand.
*Labour got a new leader.

While there was plenty of transition, lots of stuff stayed the same. The world has not yet collectively got together to stop climate change or tackle inequality. As a species, are we moving towards a better future? Or are we just continuing to make the same mistakes that got us into trouble in the first place?

2011 taught me a lot. I've met a lot of people. Been to a lot of countries. Spent a lot of hours in transit. Did some study in Indonesia. Had my own apartment. Went back to living with my parents, was briefly on the unemployment benefit. Moved to Christchurch. Got a job with the Earthquake Commission. Had long periods in a long-distance relationship and, of course, pondered my own existence quite a bit.

The year finished on a low-key note: in an office, working an incredibly boring job and contemplating throwing my computer and then myself out the window (although it's only a two-story building so I'd probably just get moderate injuries).

It's an inane question, but sometimes you have to ask: what does it all mean?  If I rationalise all the individual elements of my life - I feel grateful for what I have. Compared to many in the world, I live a blessed existence. People in New Zealand have got it pretty good in a lot of ways.

Still.. there's that creeping sense that I'm just already going through the motions. I have the feeling that a lot of people are in the same boat.
I guess I don't feel I yet have any purpose.

For all my travels and experience - I haven't yet found what it is I feel I'm meant to be doing.
Perhaps there is no one thing that any of us is meant to do. Our experiences and education will shape the choices we make and a lot of people just fall into something.

I like this definition

You have to motivation towards a goal to function as a human. Without a sense of purpose. Everything can seem a bit pointless.

At the moment my goals are centered around paying off my student loan, finding a good job and travelling some more in future. That's enough to keep the wheels of my life turning. Money alone is not a huge motivator.

I don't like the sense that you are just plodding through life. If every day is just another 24 hours passed where you do the same shit you did yesterday, what the hell is the point?

Just work a job, save some money, buy some stuff, pop out some kids so they can do the same?
I don't have any belief in god or life after death. I believe we make our own meaning.

This article talks about "satificers" vs "maximisers." I probably fall into the latter category and agonise a bit about making the right decision about my life. It means that you often second guess the decisions you've made and as a result, don't feel as satisfied overall. How many others are out there think like that?

At the end of the day - you have to get on with it, right? But I'm often left thinking about what would bring me a sustained sense of satisfaction with my life.

I had a lot of good times this year and achieved some of my New Years resolutions. I haven't yet scuba dived. I did hit the gym a lot, take some protein powder and reach my goal weight (heavier rather than lighter), I studied Indonesian for a while and lived with my girlfriend for a period too.

I finish with quotes from two giant figures who died in 2011. Steve Jobs and Christopher Hitchens.

"Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything - all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important."
- Steve Jobs

"The only position that leaves me with no cognitive dissonance is atheism. It is not a creed. Death is certain, replacing both the siren-song of Paradise and the dread of Hell. Life on this earth, with all its mystery and beauty and pain, is then to be lived far more intensely: we stumble and get up, we are sad, confident, insecure, feel loneliness and joy and love. There is nothing more; but I want nothing more." - Christopher Hitchens


Here is to a positive 2012. Happy New Year everyone!