Flying visit to Berlin

Being as I am, an ardent traveller from an isolated country - living in Europe presents blissfully easy travel opportunities.

Stiff competition between a littany of budget airlines and bus companies as well as a a bunch of ride-sharing website (see Gomore or Mitfahrgelegenheit)  mean it's seldom hard to find an affordable mode of transport somewhere (fancy a quick weekend in the Ukraine? Prices have never been this low!)

Last month I had a week to kill (being stuck in a small Danish city during bouts of shitty weather does elicit murderous impulses).  I took the opportunity to zip down through Berlin, Warsaw and Krakow in the space of a week - ticking off Tripadvisor attractions with German-like efficiency.
I haven't spent much time in Eastern Europe til now but the super cheap prices, friendly folk and general range of interesting activities have left me wanting more. Needless to say, Europe's East also has many beautiful women and this boosts the stock of any destination, amirite?

Through a deft bit of luck, I managed to find a bus ride from Aarhus to Berlin for just 1 Danish Krone (about 15 Euro cents). The average cost to Berlin by bus is 400 DKK (53 Euro) so upon  discovering the sale, I rushed to make a booking, fearing I'd miss out. Faced with this incredible bargain, a crowd of zero other people showed up.

On the bus all alone - perhaps my chronic flatulence scared others away?

I took the eight-hour bus ride from Aarhus to Berlin accompanied by the Danish driver and his wife (who determinedly knitted throughout the journey). Apparently 17 people had booked but I was the only one to show up. The long trip with the top floor to myself allowed me to do the sorts of things most people wish they could do during long bus trips (No, not that you filth!). I lay down across the aisles and busted a few travel exercised along the way, sipping on the seemingly unlimited supply of rather awful coffee. When the opportunity presents, this Kiwi really knows how to live it up!

The first time I went to Berlin

WAAAYYY back in 2011 when I first came to Europe, Berlin left a special impression on me. During that trip in which I spent four months backpacking and Couchsurfing around Europe, I visited great cities such as London, Rome, Dublin and Paris. Berlin however, was in my estimation the coolest of all European capitals.

Berlin - the German families chilled cousin
 
In my two subsequent visits to Berlin in 2015 - a little of the sheen has come off. I like the grittiness, the tolerance of diversity and lifestyle choices. In my more recent visits I noticed the graffiti (which is practically everywhere, even on public monuments) and rubbish on the streets in some areas more than I did the first time. For some, this is part of Berlin's appeal. It doesn't pretend to be the most glamorous city in the world - it embraces people on the periphery. Berlin is a type of Neverland, where someone might feel like wearing a Bugs Bunny onesie in the middle of the day or partying in fetish gear and literally no one cares. 

 It's my impression that some of the German stereotype many people have in their mind (no humour, meticulous planners, incredibly orderly) does not align with the average Berliner (then again, what the hell is "average"?).

If Germany is a family then Berlin is a relaxed cousin - still living at home with his parents at 29, quite alternative - well versed in history and culture but not as studious as his older brother Munich who works as an Engineer.

Berlin is by far Germany's biggest city with around 3,300,000 inhabitants. The next biggest is Hamburg with only 1.6 million. In spite having only half the population, Hamburg has a greater GDP. There are also at least 10 major Germany cities (that I saw) with a higher GDP per capita than Berlin.

One of my oldest friends is a guy born in China who lived in New Zealand between 13-21. He's now been living in Europe for more than six years. After being a scientist at a Swiss pharmaceutical company for several years, he packed up his life and shifted to Berlin where he's cast aside the rigidity he needed to get by in Swiss society and took to Berlin's Bohemian vibe with relish. He's taking his time finding out what he really wants to do with his life and has enough money to support himself as he parties, attends pub quizzes and sporadically travels (an awfully familiar story).

My friend and I had a relaxed couple of days, ambling around town and chilling.

Templehof Airport

One of the highlights was seeing the ENORMOUS abandoned Templehof airport in South-Central Berlin. It's hard to give you a sense of just how expansive this place is as you stand on the outside. Closed in 2008, the central terminal and the runway are all still in tact and today the grounds are used as a park for kite-borders, dog-walkers, rubber-neckers, necker-rubbers, gangle-wobblers, doblin-fafflers and sklange-doffers.

Using his magical powers, Yimu managed to summon a ray of light directly onto his hand

 A few rusting aircraft are situated at various spots aground the grounds. Half-hearted wire fences protect the planes from curious visitors who would probably be crushed by falling debris if they got too close.

This place is highly recommended.


Russian Soldier memorial  
 
On the same day, we also looked at a stately monument erected to the Russian soldiers who died fighting the Nazis during WW2 (Doesn't every conversation about Germany always end up being about the war?) It was similarly gigantic. Something very specific about the feeling I get in Berlin is the sense of large wide-opened spaces. If you compare to neighbouring European capitals such as Amsterdam or Copenhagen, Berlin is just much

Berlin st me as a place with plenty of wide-open spaces compared to other European cities I've visited.

More on the glorious Russians to come!

Berlin Soviet War memorial - Tretow

TO POLAND

Ride sharing with speed demons:

On our way from Berlin we were with a Russian couple (who lived in Germany) who loved hip hop music, bred cute dogs and owned a sweet ride. They were going to Minsk and our female driver topped 200kph at some stages of the journey. On the Autobahns this is totally koshure but Poland's speed limit is 130 so we were a little naughty!
In NZ, we have a competitively laughable speed limit of 100kph. The argument goes that our roads aren't big enough to handle higher speeds, speed kills (which it can of course) but I think the slow speeds on modern highways lead to frustration from many drivers. Anywayss.

WARSAW -  Tour highlights. 

We had a Couchsurfing place sorted out in a reasonably central suburb, so it was only a short journey to downtown.

One of the surprises of Warsaw on first impression was how clean it was compared to Berlin. The subway stations were relatively spotless. The downtown was modern and pleasant.

We caught tour of the downtown on our first day seeing Marie Curie's place, the Jewish ghetto, various monuments to the war, the palace of a Polish

Poles don't hate Germans as much as I expected

In our conversations with locals (and let's admit that this is highligh

Marie Curie (Double Nobel prize winning physicist and chemist) artwork across the road from the museum dedicated to her.

Part of the reconstructed Polish castle. 

Some Polish fare. 

Replica tunnel at the Polish resistance museum 

On the way back we were with a Polish entrepreneur around our age who had moved to Berlin as a teenager and ran a cleaning and rental management company. He drove conservatively at first but after gauging our behaviour let his foot run wild. At some stage of the journey we hit 212km! This was the fastest I'd ever been on land.

24 things I have (kinda) learned at 27

The resemblance between myself and Danny Glover is undeniable

April 21,  2015

The passing of another year brings a lot of things - nostalgia, excitement for the year to come and sometimes a tinge of regret about unfulfilled goals or missed opportunities.

For older people (treading on thin ice here, you decide what older means), 27 probably still seems really young. However, as I recall, during my teen years 27 seemed positively ancient.

When I was 18 a friend of mine at Uni started dating a 27 year old. When I first met him I thought he was an old pervert but turned out he was a nice fella. Now I've reached that age, my preferences are for closer to 25 than 18 but my view on the "oldness" of 27 has definitely changed.

If this post was inspired by anything, it's a memorable book my ex gave me when I was 23. It's called The Thing about Life is, one day you'll be dead - by David Shields.The book details the life of the author's nearly 90-year-old father's sprightly attitude to life. It intersperses the personal anecdotes with hard facts about ageing (e.g every year after we turn 20, our skin loses an average of one percent elasticity, hence wrinkles) . It makes for slightly depressing reading but, after all, the ravages of time are inescapable (unless scientists figure out how to stop cell degeneration).

At 18 in 2006

I'm now the age my Dad was when I was born. It's hard for me to imagine bringing a child into this world by year's end. I'm still sorting out my own stuff without having to suddenly be concerned with the welfare of a tiny, utterly dependent human.

Over the years I've been a fan of reading quotes and the occasional self-help book with the aim of trying to absorb wisdom about how to live my life in the best possible way. I like the idea that we can "stand on the shoulders of giants" - taking lessons from people who've passed through life before us. We have the benefit of being able to survey accumulated wisdom of sages both of today and yesteryear. It's particularly easy for my generation, thanks to internet wrenching open the gates of confinement and making accessing nearly any conceivable piece of information accessible to anyone. Hopefully we can build on this knowledge progress as individuals and as a species.

No one really has all the answers or advice about how to live the best life. We are each living an utterly unique experience. What's right for some might not be right for all as the cultural and lived-experience for someone in Saudi Arabia is probably going to be pretty different from someone in New Zealand.  I like to thin-slice, experiencing as much as I possibly can and learning little lessons from many different people. I can't claim these lessons are all original but they are things that I've generally found to be true over these twenty seven years.

In no particular order:

1. Memento Mori
"remember that you will die." This is medieval Latin phrase which I wear engraved on a pendent around my neck. I think it encapsulates a lot of wisdom. I lost my Dad when I was 12 and it made me a lot more aware of my own mortality and the finite nature of life. Death is a leveller - it will catch us all. Thinking of it filters out a lot of the shit that occupies your time and helps you focus on the more important stuff like your friend's and loved ones.

2. Life ultimately has no meaning 
(other than that which you create for yourself).
I'm an atheist but also someone who has spent nights gazing into the sky and considering my place in the universe. If you don't refer to a divine presence, then us being here on earth doesn't really mean anything in the scheme of things.

There will probably be a day when no one knows you ever existed. It's even possible than one day Earth will no longer exist. What will that mean for our species? What was the point in us being here?

Circa 2015 - Older ? Yes. Wiser? Hmmm 

I feel like I can be sure that I exist right now, so I can create my own sense of purpose. That's something that I can be sure of.  I hope that when I'm close to death, I can reflect on my life and know that I've done my best to be kind and helpful to others and leave the world just a tiny bit better than I found it.

I quite like the quote "The meaning of life is to give life meaning."



3. Figuring out what you really want in life can be very hard.

Last year, part of my job was to advise high school students (between 15-18) about what to study at university. They'd look to me as if I had it all figured out but I'd admit to them I was still searching too. Ten years on since I finished high school, I'm still trying to suss what I want to dedicate my life to. I'm getting closer to an answer but I'm not there just yet.

4. Count your blessings

Whenever I start to feel sorry for myself for whatever reason - I try to remember all the good things I have to be grateful for. I've been to a dozen or so developing countries and seen a lot of heart-wrenching stuff. Being aware that I'm a lucky guy from a privileged country pushes me to help improve the plight of people who are less fortunate than myself.

4. In spite of your best intentions, sometimes you'll fuck up. 

I'd love to say that I've never shot myself in the foot but the truth is sometimes I've figuratively aimed a bazooka and blown off my leg.

I'm still learning and trying to improve but sometimes I say or do things that I later reflect on and give myself a hearty face palm. For example, I still haven't quite learned that it's a bad idea leaving important belongings in places like bathrooms, friend's houses or on public transport (I recently lost a beloved watch). Or that instantly responding to Facebook comments with sarcasm, sometimes doesn't translate very well and I just come across as a bastard.

Learning to forgive yourself when you do make mistakes is important. Mistakes can teach us valuable lessons but only if we figure out what the problem is and that can take time.

5. Experience brings me more happiness than possessions.

I'm sure someone could be rolling along in the new Bentley and say - "who said money can't bring you happiness?" Last year when I lived in a nice flat, had a car, a motorbike a nice TV and the rest - I wasn't as satisfied as being on the road with a backpack and a journey ahead.  I don't need that many things to live a good life. Many people obsess about owning nice things and their possessions end up sort of owning them. If you like to travel, having too much weighs you down (you have to figure out where to store it every time you go away).

Possessions are things that can easily be compared whereas experiences are not-quantifiable. I've had moments when I saw someone with a newer, faster cellphone than I and I no longer liked my phone as much. Experiences are more personal and harder to compare. They stay with you and change who you are. For more on this, check out the fascinating book and Ted Talk by Barry Schwartz: The Paradox of Choice.

6. To really love someone or something can result in great pain.

Many religions teach practices aimed at freeing ourselves from attachments, desires and the whims of our egos. Loving someone and losing them through death or separation can be intensely painful. It can be hard to trust in the same way after you've been really hurt but eventually you have to let someone go and move on.

7. Try not to worry. 

Another cliche' and easier said than done. Needless to say but worrying is truly a gigantic waste of time and energy. I've had family members who have put themselves in hospital through unnecessary stress.

I've spent a lot of time ruminating on shit that has happened or being concerned about what could happen in the future. I'm definitely still working on this. If you can practice a bit of mindfulness (like meditation, being aware of your thoughts and feelings and trying to be present in the moment) it can really help you get more out of life. There's a lot of good stuff on YouTube to get you started and even just a few minutes a day can help a lot.

8. Travel

You should travel for lots of reasons..One of the main ones for me is it helped me to appreciate diversity. If you only ever live in one country, you're only going to have one frame of reference for thinking about how the world works together as a whole. The way you and your country generally do things is just one of many ways that are possible. Becoming aware of different cultures, customs and languages has enriched me as a person, giving me perspectives I could not have garnered via books or movies.

The best website I ever joined is Couchsurfing. If you like meeting people from around the world, you'd be hard pressed to find a better site to join. You can read about it here: (this post is from 2011, I think I'll do an updated one soon). I'm extremely lucky to have had the opportunity to travel and explore a bit of the world since I was 19. I used to think that by travelling I'd have a clearer idea of exactly what I wanted to do with my life. In fact, the exact opposite is true. The more I saw, the more I became aware of the possibilities for types of life that were out there. There are so many lessons. Through travel I learned another language (have now started on my third) and met so many fucking amazing people.

9. Stick to your word

If people can't trust your word, can they trust anything about you?

11. Be kind to others 

Fairly obvious but those who don't follow this will generally have their comeuppance. It's good to be good.

12. We don't see the world as it is, we see the world as we are. 

There is no objective reality. At any moment there is a lot going on around us and we can always choose what to pay attention to. That's why we should try and get a hold of a variety of views on any subject before we make up our mind about it.

13 Accept your flaws

I spent a lot of money on fixing my teeth and they still aren't quite how I'd like them. Most people have something they'd like to improve about themselves (whether it be physically, emotionally etc). Sometimes you need to ask yourself, "Is this really a problem?" At a certain point you've got to let it go and accept yourself.

14 Don't work a job you hate

Selling your time to an employer in exchange for a wage is a reality for most of the planet. If you are fortunate to have autonomy to make the choice, find something you love, or at least like. I've had many jobs since I was 15 and some of them are great, some are okay and some fuckin sucked. Finding yourself in a soul-crushing office everyday is a quick path to all sorts of problems. I will try not to use "I need to earn money" as an excuse for sticking around in a shitty job. If you wake up in the morning and you can't bare the thought of going to work, you should make a change in your life as quickly as possible.

15 Know when to hold em and when to fold em'

This applies in poker and with relationships. Some relationships help us flourish and grow, other people are a drain and ultimately bad for your well-being. Users, non-recpricators, overly needy people, time-wasters - why would you settle for that if you have good people to sink your energy into? As we age, our time gets more precious as we have more commitments.  I've gotten better at recognising which relationships to nurture and cherish and which ones to cut loose. There are many studies which show that having healthy relationships helps you live longer, be healthier and happier.

16 Have no expectations - keep an open mind

A few years ago Denmark was classed as the "happiest country in the world." I think Danish people generally have low expectations for what is required for a good life (a comfortable home, creature comforts, family, good food etc). Don't expect Danes to be walking around with fat grins on their faces however, happiness in this sense is best equated with contentment.

Sometimes coming into a scenario with either high or low expectations will colour how you feel about it. If you think something is going to be awesome and then it's just okay, often you will leave disappointing. However, if you approach a situation with no preconceptions and an open mind, often you'll end up having a better time. Likewise, sometimes people will express a point of view that makes me think "what the fuck!" but I try to at least try understand where they're coming from before rushing to judgement. To keep an open mind is to avoid confining oneself to a narrow road of thinking and potentially missing out on amazing things out there.

17 Make your peace with people who hold different views

There are plenty of people in this world that I won't pretend to understand. When I was a teenager and I first became an atheist I would try talk to Christians and have debates with them. I clashed heads with a few people and had really interesting conversations with others. I eventually came to the view that as long as their views aren't harming me, why not just leave it be? I can try and constructively engage people into thinking that adopting a progressive, humanitarian approach to politics is the best way for earth but if they come at me with the view: "poor people just need to work harder" - it's going to be hard to come to some sort of compromise.

18 Experience as much as possible

Another obvious one. If you have a dream to try something and it's attainable, go for it. Express yourself, be creative and find someone to love. As the old quote goes, "Nobody lay on their death bed and said: 'I wish I'd spent more time at the office.'"

19 "If you really want something, you'll find a way. If you don't want it, you'll find an excuse"

An old workmate had this up on her wall in the office and it resonated with me. Now it's been a few years since The Secret came out, we can agree that it was a load of cobblers (I did appreciate it for a time when I first read it). I can sit and think about the new Ferrari I'd like to own but "the law of attraction" does not mean someone is going to drop one off in my driveway. When it comes to going to the gym, I have to defeat the forces of inertia. It's so easy to find reasons not to do something but if you apply all your energy towards a certain direction, amazing things can happen.


20 Don't waste your time on hate 

I certainly spent some of my teen years intensely hating certain people. Resenting people for injustices done to you or others, usually hurts you more than it hurts the person you hate. Hate takes energy and consumes a place in your mind. There will probably be people throughout your life you intensely dislike. There will almost nearly certainly be people who don't like you, no matter what. There are people worthy of your contempt, particularly those who cause others great pain, but don't dwell on it.

21. There's a time to study and there's a time to work 

I've been a full year out of work after three years of full-time employment. Study is good for lots of things particularly enriching your mind. I admire older people who continue to learn and grow as they age. Although sometimes learning doesn't come as easily for older people as it does for young, if you have an attitude to keep learning, then it should come naturally.

22. Balance in all things

This is probably a bit rich coming from me.
I most certainly have a few vices and I've indulged myself with too many TV series, sugary snacks and parties on many occasions. But I've tried to focus on eating a well-rounded diet and exercising regularly and this is a routine that I intend to keep going throughout my life.

23. Leave the world better than you found it

Many times in my life I've felt deeply aggrieved or been brought to the point of teams at the injustice, inequality, greed, brutality and senseless, heartless behavior that I know is happening around the globe.
I was taught that although we may not always be able to change the world, we can change ourselves and have an influence on our immediate surroundings. There are little things that I've done - like volunteering, giving donations or recycling that can make a little difference to the world - and I think we all have a responsibility to the world to look after this Earth we got.

Dedicated to just some of my enormous family. This is just on Mum's side. Miss you guys!

24 - Forget all this, what do I know anyway?

Strictly English - Curse of a mono linguist living in Europe

The problem?

I've lived in Europe for about a year. In Denmark, as in most of the non-English countries I've visited, I'm frequently astounded by some people's linguistical abilities.

On a laundry list of the world's biggest issues - the plight of people who only speak English is as likely to elicit sympathy as people moaning about their slow WIFI connections. There will be no charity concerts, no solidarity marches - native English speakers like me just have to steel our hearts against the reality that most of the world can speak more languages than us.

Obviously not everyone I've met speaks perfect English. I've encountered a variety of levels of aptitude. At one end of the spectrum I've met some Frenchies, Italians, Spaniards or Germans with totally impenetrable accents (even if their written English was fine) and found myself in parts of Europe where I had to communicate through exaggerated mime.

At the other end of the spectrum, I study in a Master's programme as one of 74 people from 40 countries. This puts me in the minority (around 15-20 percent) of native English speakers.

Although I'm used to it now, I've regularly found myself in situations where a virtual United Nations of  classmate are debating the US's wranglings with a burgeoning but inflationary challenged Russia - in almost flawless English. They then seamlessly slip into their own language, and sometimes several others, and leave me sitting clueless until they return to English. My usual reaction is to nod and smile and focus intently on an interesting spot on the ceiling.


Only marginally serious authors note: 

Whilst I might appear obsequious during such happenstance, I do take umbridge at the vociferous predilections of those who have a penchant for sojourns into other tongues which exclude those of varying hues and creeds from experiencing a meaningful melding of minds. I nevertheless refrain from repudiation displaying a modicum of tolerance, what erudite gentleman would do otherwise? (If you know all the above words, your English is pretty fantastic).

Why are Europeans generally so good at English?

As far as I'm aware, most European country's school curricula include compulsory English classes (as well as other languages) from an early age. Within Europe, Scandinavians (along with Dutch and Belgians) generally speak the best English. That's gotta be partly due to a fact that they subtitle, rather than dub, their foreign movies and shows.

Another fact: with a continent bursting with many languages - it makes sense to have a universal language. Danish would be screwed if they expected the rest of Europe to know their charming (described by them and others as sounding like having a potato lodged in your mouth) language.
  
Technically - I'm not entirely mono lingual. I can speak Indonesian reasonably well but unfortunately there are no other Indonesians in my programme.  

A Hungarian, British, Canadian, Brazilian, New Zealander, Swiss, two Germans and a Bulgarian bond through the universal language of Poker

Why so few English speakers knowin all dem other languages?

As a child, when I would meet foreign visitors in New Zealand, I would always assume that because they could speak multiple languages, they must automatically possess some talent that most Kiwis didn't have. How could they know my language so well, yet I knew nothing of theirs?

As I grew up, I realised that speaking multiple languages for most of the world is something totally normal. Some people ARE more gifted than others but the very fact that nearly every Danish high school student can speak great English would suggest that it's a matter of education, rather than innate talent. Even if someone is shit at school - learning English intensively for 10 years as well as watching English TV shows, movies and listening to English music means that  for most people, something is going to stick!

While not exactly the setting for a great Greek tragedy - fact is, if you are born in an English speaking country - statistically speaking you are part of the group of people least likely to speak a second language. In Europe, the UK and Irish are some of the least likely to speak a second language. There are some fairly obvious reasons for this.

Well we can partly thank these guys -

Dashing uniforms - shame about subjugating and fucking over cultures around the world

Centuries of British colonisation, dominance of world pop culture by English-speaking media in the 20th century and English becoming the language of aviation and the internet are some of the factors that have seen English firmly cemented as the lingua franca.

Bill Bryson has an excellent book on this very matter, called The Mother Tongue

The language situation in New Zealand

Some New Zealander's are fluent in other languages - from our part of the globe we have Maori, a variety of Pacific languages and NZ sign language. There are also Kiwis who speak Japanese, French, German and a multitude of others. However, true fluency in other languages is pretty uncommon. Why?

Even if we do learn other languages at school - one has to be live in an environment where they can put their adopted language to use.

Practically speaking - native English speakers in different countries have an easier or harder time practising with native speakers ofc other languages. US citizens could theoretically pop across to Mexico to practice Spanish. Canadians have a whole French region in their country and English folk are just an hour's journey from France and not far from a veritable array of other countries and languages in Europe.

New Zealand and Australia on the other hand, are far from anywhere.

In New Zealand, there's no particularly need to have a second tongue and there's no absolutely logical second language. Around 5 percent of our population are fluent in Maori (compared to around 12 percent of NZ's total population identifying as Maori). Compare that with Belgians who are in an environment where they can speak French, Flemish and English regularly and it's really no surprise they speak a lot of languages and we don't.

The fact that English is so ubiquitous and globalisation is well and truly in effect means for learners of English,  practicing is pretty easy. I've been in clubs all around the world and although some places will have a greater or lesser preference for their local music, there's nearly always English songs somewhere on the play list. Sim

Is only speaking English really a problem?

How you answer this question depends on how you look at it:

People who think you should learn a language other than English say:


* Only speaking English, if you are given the opportunity to learn other languages is arrogant. Why assume that just because you happen to be born in an English speaking country that it's the best way of communicating?

* Other language gives you a different perspective on the world - the words someone uses give you a window into the way they think.

* Speaking the language of a foreign land will generally give you a richer experience of a country, than as an outsider who just speaks English. Just as we appreciate that others who visit our shores can speak English, so too did Indonesian appreciate when I could with them in their language (even if I often get stuck for words or make grammatical mistakes).

People who think you shouldn't learn a language other than English say:

I've met many people who could not give less of a shit about other languages. They are firmly of the view - "What's the point? Everyone else either can speak or wants to learn English. Besides, learning another language takes so long!"

* Will we ever use a language other than English? What's the point in learning if I'm only ever going to go on short holidays to non-English countries? 

Words that have no direct English equivalent

You may have heard of untranslatable words that exist in other words that are not available in English.

These words capture ways of thinking and expressing we cannot capture so eloquently. These are a few I'm familiar with.

German:

Schadenfreude - Pleasure derived from the misfortune of others
Fremdschämen - Feeling embarassed on behalf of a friend
Wanderlust - A strong desire to travel

Indonesian:

 Jayus - when someone tells a joke that's so bad, you cannot help but laugh.

Hebrew:

Koev halev - Empathising with someone so deeply that it causes your heart to ache

This is a very limited list but it gives a slice into a whole different world of terms and ways of understanding.

Learning another language (and crucially using it) gives you the opportunity to experience a culture you wouldn't otherwise.

In his book Outliers - author Malcom Gladwell writes of how the structure of the Asian language gives Asian school children a distinct advantage over English speaking kids when learning to count and do mathematics. Because their numbers have fewer syllables than English, Chinese kids can count to 100 much faster than English kids can.

Words in your head correspond to concepts. So the language we use therefore effects the way we think! I heard a podcast the other day that said the in cultures where they have more words for different colours, they can actually recognise more colours than cultures.
There are other fascinating things like how some languages give every noun a gender (In German the sun is feminine and the moon masculine for some reason that most Germans will admit is completely random). In other languages (such as Russian and Mandarin) which don't have articles. Hence when they learn English they will often say "I go shop" instead of "I am going to the shop"

Alright then. 

So you're extolling the virtues of learning another language and yet you've lived in Denmark for 8 months and can speak about 20 words of Danish.. What's up with that?

I knew prior to arriving here that Danish were among the best non-native English speakers in the world. I also knew, that after I left Denmark, I'd be unlikely to return here again. In my time here, I've barely encountered a situation when someone can't understand me. The only times I can think of were with Danish people 60 years or older.

There is the opportunity to have free Danish lessons through the state and I think that's awesome.
But I'll be living in Germany later this year and I figured it's more useful to invest in a language with more speakers and a greater chance of using it long-term.

How it feels when you can't be understood

Sometimes - there have been situations when I've travelled - particularly in China, where I felt totally alone when I was got lost (there were always people around but just none I could understand).

Please note: My approach to Chinese was considerably more gentle than this.

I would stop people on the street and use pantomime actions for train or toilet and still couldn't be understood.

In those situations I've got to check my privilege. If I'm in someone elses country - it's not really fair for me to expect them to speak my language. While English may be an international language and many non-native speakers rely on it when travelling, some people get pissy when nobody can. I certainly wouldn't be able to bust into Mandarin if a Chinese tourist in Auckland suddenly wanted to discuss the best place for a coffee on Queen street. I would be curious whether, a century from now, English is still as dominant as it currently is. 

As an adult, learning a second language takes a lot of time and effort and for some - there's no discernible pay off. I can say that learning Indonesian and now German is a very satisfying experience. Whether I reach true fluency or not, remains to be seen.

Could technology bridge the language barrier? 

A screenshot from the Skype promo video for their new translation software

 

While I would sincerely love for more countries, such as NZ to institute compulsory second language learning and for more English speakers to make an effort to learn other tongues - technology might be providing us with an easy way to bridge comprehensions gaps between different languages.

I'm sure many of you are familiar with the Google Translate app. Its voice function currently allows you to say something into the recorder and have it almost instantly translated into dozens of languages of your choice (they even have Esperanto!)

Skype is also employing similar technology. You can watch video demonstrations on YouTube of little girls from different countries having a live conversation with Skype, where their words are instantly translated to each other.

The technology is very much in it's early stages. Sometimes it translates literally, without capturing the intricacies of a particular lexicon. It can be slow, it doesn't always understand particular accents or slang. The beauty is - that the technology is developing and improving all the time. 

Given how quickly other technologies (particularly cellphones) have developed in the past decade, I don't think it's optimistic to imagine that in the next ten years we might see sophisticated, portable translation devices (ala Babelfish from Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy), perhaps in the form of a blue tooth earphone. If the technology gets good enough, there should be minimum lag between the spoken word and the translated version that feeds to your ear. If the devices became ubiquitous, you would have far more people from different countries being able to communicate with each other.

I for one, would love to have had a translator in parts of China when I was hopelessly lost and sometimes struggled to find a single soul who could speak a word of English. 

I think such technologies would have dramatic implications for people who work in translation and our education system. However, like any good gadget, if it's useful and people want it - it will be made.

Beginner's Guide to Japan..

The Golden Temple in Kyoto - truly spectacular! 

It's taken me a full year to write about Japan but it's such an interesting place. I had to at least publish something! 

Other travel blogs: Guide to travelling Gili Islands (Indonesia)
                                  Dealing with police in China

Japan Japan Japan

So much has been written about it already.

My visit there was very brief at just 12 days so I'm not able to provide any deep anthropological insights into its culture and ways. However, I hope this intro to some aspects of its society is helpful for people who wish to travel there or are curious to know what it's like. 

I came to Japan with a few typical preconceptions:

* Holy shit their TV shows are crazy

* They're hard workers and very polite

* They don't wear shoes inside

* They are big lovers of anime

* Samurais, suicide, their role in WW2 etc

Mind-blowing stuff huh?

Getting a complete understanding of the way Japan operates is like trying to grasp an egg yolk between your fingers. It's really unlike any other place I've been. Talk about culture shock!

Here's some major features about Japan that struck me as I ventured round its shores

GETTING AROUND: 

SUPER FAST TRAINS (JR PASS)

I could not have been more impressed by the bullet trains (Shinkansen) if they had came to life, jumped up off the tracks and started walking around and giving people high-fives. They are fast, comfortable and always on time. I would say travelling by train in Japan beats travelling by plane like a highly skilled ninja would tear apart a karate white-belt in a fight (there's really no contest).

At Japanese railway stations you can turn up on the platform one minute before your train is due to leave. There's no fucking around going through security gates, reciting your life history or forgoing your incredibly dangerous 100+ ml of fluid as at airports - you just hop right on. The trains are ridiculously punctual to the extent that people can apparently get notes from the train company to take to work if they are late by more than a couple of minutes.

You don't ride a Shinkansen - you glide in it. They are practically silent and although you will notice the scenery whizzing by, you only become aware of the speed you're traveling when another Shinkansen passes in the opposite direction. There's a brief thud sound, a blur and the other train is on the horizon. The trains we traveled on were cruising along at around 350 kph (although there are much faster versions) and you can get from one side of Japan to the other fairly easily.

If you are travelling to Japan, get the JR pass. You buy them as a foreigner before you arrive. It allows you to travel anywhere in the country on a bullet train within a given period of time. From the point we activated ours, we had seven days in which to use it. http://www.japanrailpass.net/

YOU CALL THAT A TOILET? THIS IS A TOILET

It's like a magical amusement park ride for your arse

You may have heard of Japanese toilets, better yet - your ass may have liaised with one.

Having used them, I can say: they are excellent.

There's many varieties of these beasts ranging from your basic heated seat model with a bidet (bottom squirt) all the way through to a deluxe throne which plays relaxing music as you do your business. You can even control the strength of the blast of the water to your ass. They thought of everything.

A lady who worked at the first hostel we stayed at said she had exported a few toilets to the United States. The idea of toilets using power was a bit of a novelty and given the way they're going, it's conceivable that soon Japanese toilets would have A.I and could provide a bit of light banter as you (insert euphemism for "shit" here). After I wrote this sentence I searched on YouTube and you guessed it: Talking Toilet 

THE PEOPLE

Myself in the middle of the busiest pedestrian crossing in the world, Shibuya, Tokyo

I can't really summarise a whole race (well, I could but reducing people to simplified stereotypes is problematic territory). Here were some of my general impressions.

Ridiculously polite - Japanese people are lovers of respect and protocol. They bow a lot and have incredible customer service that would genuinely put a lot of New Zealand businesses to shame. New Zealander's are friendly alright but I've had plenty of "couldn't give less of a shit about you" interactions with staff in NZ. In contrast every single one of my customer service interactions in Japan was good. Was that just because I'm a foreigner (it's hard to know?) but I got the impression, that's part of their life. Being considered a hard worker is one of the best things you can achieve in Japanese society so they'll go the extra mile to help you. As an example of a Japanese guy who totally pursues perfection, check out the excellent documentary Jiro Dreams of Sushi.

Make-up and plucking: If there was a young woman in Japan without makeup - I didn't see her. The standards of grooming were pretty high. My girlfriend at the time told me that inside the women's public bathrooms, she would regularly see dedicated make-up tables with lights. We were also frequently at temples with young Japanese women struggling up stairs balanced on precariously high heels - so looking good comes at a price. I also noted quite a few young Japanese guy liked to pluck their brows.

Homogenous: Foreigners really stick out in Japan. From their most recent census data, only 1.5 percent of their total population was born abroad. Of the 1.5 percent, the biggest immigrant group are Chinese but there are less than a million living in Japan. In the big cities, you'll spot other foreigners around but tourists aside, it's not a particularly ethnically diverse place.This isn't necessarily a bad thing just something I noticed. As a foreigner you usually get referred to as a "Gaijin" which roughly translates as "outsider." This is telling because apparently it's pretty hard to assimilate to Japanese culture. 

Really really ridiculously polite: Picture this: A police car rushes to the scene of a crime, probably some dastardly crime by Samurai sword wielding maniac. People's lives are hanging in the balance, the criminal is on a rampage - ignoring protocols of politeness, tripping over elderly and threatening to murder sacks stuffed with cute kittens. The police car - sirens blaring approaches an intersection, but rather than drive through ignoring the cars, it stops and through a loud speaker says "sumimasen" ("excuse me") to get through.

We laughed very hard at that. Apparently in the past, Japanese public service had gotten a lot of complaints so the Government gives training to staff in all public sector jobs in how to be more polite (hint: if in doubt, bow like a boss).

Obama hadn't stretched before bowing so had to spend his whole time in Japan in this position

Sleeping in public - Japanese clearly don't get enough of shut-eye because people are falling asleep on public transport as if their food was laced with sleeping pills. Generally people don't sleep just for fun, they do it because they need it! They work so hard that I can't blame them for catching some winks when they can.

Organised - You can walk through super crowded streets in Tokyo and it's surprisingly.. Quiet! For a city of the size of Tokyo places like Beijing and Jakarta are comparable (in terms of size at least). Japanese are just orderly. In addition to that, everything just works pretty well.

DAT FOOD

Traditional BBQ

Oscillating sushi restaurant - pick your dish

Super delicious Okonomoyaki in a Hiroshima restaurant

  

Japan's incredible array of delicacies, meals and snacks is sure to be an adventure for your taste buds.

While not a cheap country we typically found lunch for around 1000yen ($8.50USD). We were budget travellers after all and it was often a lot higher than that. If you are going for more upmarket eats then expect to pay more like 2000-3000 yen.

As a food destination, there are many delicacies to try and also some uniquely Japanese oddities (crawling octopus tentacles anyone?). Some super delicious stuff that I tried were ramen noodles in a traditional restaurant, Okonomoyaki (like a layered omelette, pictured above) and we also went to a rotating sushi bar which was quite an experience. The main difference with Japanese cuisine as far as I could discern is the variety of sea creatures they both have and eat. Sea urchins, octopus tentacles and other deep sea delicacies are not big hits with Westerners but it seems the Japanese can't get enough (hence the plundering of the ocean).

ACCOMMODATION

Very cozy

You are likely to pay a minimum of 2500 yen per night to stay in hostels in Japan. We generally were impressed by the places we stayed (J-hoppers were a particularly good chain). You have to try a capsule hotel while you are there. I initially thought it would be like sleeping in a coffin but it was comfortable with excellent facilities (Sauna, TV rooms, social areas etc). My ex and I did a bit of Couchsurfing and it was nice to stay with Japanese hosts.

 HONOUR AND SUICIDE

Killing themselves - this is depressingly common. There is even a place near Mount Fuji where people go to take their own lives. You can watch a very interesting short documentary about that here.

Suicide is so common that the Govt took the extraordinary measure of making families pay for the cleanup if a father (it's more often men who takes their lives) jumps in front of a train. They describe these incidents on the train timetables as "human damage accidents." Such is the efficiency of the system that the trains are usually running again with only minor delays.

 ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES JAPANESE PRETTY TYPICAL

Freakishly committed to their work - It seemed to me, that Japanese dedicate themselves to their work more than nearly anything else in their life. Jobs are social capital in Japan - if you don't have one, you're looked down upon. Their society respects someone who works hard and dedicates themselves to their work and I was told that this would be true whether someone sweeps streets or works in an office. There is a word for “death by overwork” in Japanese (“karoshi”) and you have a scarily common practice of workers gifting their vacations to their company and only taking a fraction of their holiday entitlements!

 Japanese show a level of commitment to their work and to their hobbies. When Japanese dedicate themselves to something, they become fuckin good at it. I visited Disney Sea in Tokyo and was staggered by how I was at the theme park for the whole day and did not see one grumpy Japanese worker's face. Even when one of the rides broke down midway through it's route, the staff who came to save us looked at us with such freakish enthusiasm that it was hard for a cynical guy like me to process.

WHAT ABOUT ALL THE STRANGE STUFF?

Note: This photo is from Google Image search, but nothing quite says sexy like bedside cock-lamps!

So I'd be surprised if you hadn't at least heard of some of the crazy stuff that goes on in Japan. Panty-vending machines for example? There are also Love Hotels scattered about the cities which are places to go with your special someone and fuck their brains out in a themed room. If you really think about it, why wouldn't you want to bone your loved one/significant other/some random person with a giant cartoon porn portrait on the wall?

My theory on some of the bizarre stuff we see coming from Japan is this: Japanese people live in an unforgiving, hierarchical and strict society. When they are given an opportunity to let their imaginations run wild, it sometimes veers into incredible (think Spirited Away) or subversive (Hentai porn) or weird (many of their game shows) expressions that what you are unlikely to find anywhere else. For example - I noticed a few Japanese guys on the trains unashamedly reading pornographic cartoon magazines called hentai. This is of course, not everyone. But there is a significant sector of society that blows of steam in Japan in ways you're unlikely to see in other countries. There are also these horrible things called pachinko, which are a gambling machine similar to vertical pinball. I went into a casino and the noise was deafening as hundreds of machines were fed coins at the same time. You can witness versions of escapism in any country but video game culture in it's many forms is particularly prevalent in Japan.

A pachinko bonanza

So a Maid cafe is basically a cafe full of ladies dressed like this serving ice creams etc

In Tokyo, my ex and I decided to go a Maid Cafe. That was something crazy.. Basically, you order overpriced food or drinks and girls dressed up in cartoonish costumes with very short skirts will speak in high-pitched voices, sing, dance etc. "So what were you doing there, aye pervert?" - I hear you  asking. Just curious was all. It was a bizarre experience and I did feel mildly like I had stepped into a different dimension. The whole district of Harajuku in Tokyo is quite costume orientated.

What I found particularly strange, was that there were a couple of middle-aged Japanese men in suits at these cafes who seemed to know all the songs and were very enthusiastically clapping along. For me, this would be like me going along to a Disney bar with some buddies (if there is such a thing) and belting out a Whole New World from my table.

AWESOME NATURE AND PLENTY OF INCREDIBLE SIGHTS

You will be spoiled for choice when it comes to beautiful stuff to see in Japan. This was a pleasant surprise. Japan is generally a very clean and green country. In Kyoto prefecture especially, there were many temples surrounded by meticulously manicured gardens. For a tourist, there's plenty of good stuff to see.

My top recommendations for stuff to check out in Japan (Based on stuff we did): 

* Temple wandering in Kyoto

* Visit the Hiroshima peace museum

* See the red gates and deer on Miyajima Island

* Explore Tokyo's diverse districts - particularly Harajuku.
* Try out a traditional Japanese public bath

Giant Buddha housed within the enormous Todaji temple in Nara

View from atop Miyajima Island, near Hiroshima

Up close and personal with a deer in Nara

A CONCERNING LACK OF KNOWLEDGE ABOUT JAPANESE ROLE IN WW2 AND RIVALRY WITH CHINA

In the New Zealand historical psyche, during the second world war Japan was a nation to be feared. They were fiercely nationalistic and expansionist and had a habit of taking over and enslaving small pacific nations. In China today, on some of their channels they still have daily dramas about the brutality that was enacted upon them by Japan including the "rape of Nanking."

When I asked some Japanese about what they learn about this history - I was met with blank stares. Japan are informed of their role in the war but it is often framed along the lines of Japan being the victim of America's atomic weapons. Personally, I detest what happened in Hiroshima and Nagasaki (check out the Hiroshima peace museum for a sobering look at what happened in 1945) but young Japanese need to have a well rounded perception of how things actually went down.

Whereas Germans are very thoroughly educated about indoctrination, propaganda and other techniques that led to the formation of the Nazi state, it seems this education is lacking from Japan - at least from what I was told. 

LESSONS FROM THE PUBLIC BATHS

Public baths are a nice part of Japanese culture. There's something pretty leveling about going to a public place with other people from your society and bathing.

They are segregated by gender and a place you go to relax, wash, meet with friends and chill out. 

The baths and facilities vary from place to place but you will usually have little shower cubicles with soap, razors and other toiletries provided and a stool to squat on and wash. Aside from the washing areas you have hot pools of different temperatures, steam rooms, ice baths, saunas (which have TV's playing sports - usually baseball) they are pimping.

The first time I used a public bath, I was one of the only people around and decided to go in my underwear. Later I was told by our Japanese Couchsurfing host Masato: "If you wear your underwear, Japanese will think you are gay." I laughed my ass off but the rationale from Japanese is "Why would you hide your body? Have you got something you are ashamed of?"

The second time my partner and I went to a public baths, we went up market in Kyoto to a place called Funaoka Onsen: http://www.japanvisitor.com/kyoto/kyoto-public-bath
This place was pretty nice.

It certainly took me a moment to stroll butt-ass naked into a crowded room full of men but once I realised nobody really cares, it was very liberating. I would recommend checking one out if you have the chance.

So - hope you found at least some of that helpful.

Feel free to write any comments or questions. Thanks!